


My Mind Holds The Key

by LaLainaJ



Series: Make Some Noise [22]
Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Invasion of the Body Snatchers Inspired, Satire, Warning: not for fans of The Originals (the show), klarolineauweek, post season one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-28 08:22:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5085352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaLainaJ/pseuds/LaLainaJ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kol managed to escape The Otherside, just before it collapsed. But, since his siblings didn't seem to care much that he'd died, he decided to take his sweet time about heading for NOLA to see them. </p>
<p>A couple of years later, after wandering the world, he find things have changed greatly, and disturbingly, in his absence. So he decides to investigate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Mind Holds The Key

**Author's Note:**

> Crack fic written for AU: The Future Day of klarolineauweek

**My Mind Holds The Key**

**(Pure crackfic. Sorrynotsorry! Inspired by** _**Invasion of The Body Snatchers** _ **. Title from "My Body Is A Cage" by Arcade Fire. Rated T.)**

Something was rotten in the state of Denmark.

Good man, that Shakespeare, Kol had always thought. Knew his way around a phrase, could hold his drink, and was rather charming with the ladies, for all that he'd been slightly homely.

The little line he'd penned centuries ago had been ringing through Kol's mind on a loop.

Because Kol was convinced that something was seriously off in Denmark, or rather, New Orleans. Because here he stands watching elder brother, feared by supernatural creatures the world over, stroll down the street, with a tiny human attached to his hand.

Kol's been in the city for three days, had begun tailing Nik last night. And as the hours had passed he'd become more and more confused.

His plan had been to wait for the appropriate time to spring up. One had to pick their moments, and 'Hello brother, I'm alive, not that you care, you tremendous gobermouch' needed a certain amount of preparation, of finesse, to be truly satisfying.

Privacy was also important. Things were likely to get deliciously violent. Because Nik deserved a few hits, for not killing the bloody doppelganger, her brother, and her pet Salvatore's.

The Bennett witch he might have understood letting live. At least she was useful. And the pretty blonde hadn't been in on the plan, as far as Kol had gleaned, and Nik had been rather besotted, so he supposed he could understand why she still lived.

But the rest of them? It was honestly offensive to Kol, that they were still out there somewhere, living insipid, pointless lives, without a care for the fact that they'd killed him, and the thousands of vampires that made up his line. Still thinking themselves the good guys, patting themselves on the back, for their righteousness.

Kol would rectify that. Soon.

But first, he had to get to the bottom of whatever nonsense was happening here.

When he'd first seen Nik with the child he'd wondered if his brother's feeding habits had drastically changed. They didn't eat children, as a rule. Like wine, or cheese, or proper scotch, humans needed a little age, a couple of vices. Otherwise they were horribly bland.

They'd lived in the world long before salt was available on every table, and had no wish to return to those dark times, when food and drink had been more necessity than pleasure.

But really, stranger things had happened, so perhaps Nik's tastes had simply changed?

But then Kol had witnessed Nik take the wee person to a gated stone building, that appeared to be some sort of school. A mass of screaming uniformed sprogs milled about the front gates, until a bell rung and they entered the doors en masse.

Nik had hugged the child, patted her head affectionately, and sent her on her way, watching until she was safely in the building. And Kol had lived a long time, even discounting the time he'd spent in a coffin, dagger keeping him from experiencing the passage of time. But few things had shocked him more than that sight.

It was nearly traumatizing.

And all the while, Nik had not noticed Kol's presence. Even though, in his floored stupour, Kol had been rather less stealthy than he should have been, or was capable of. He'd never been able to sneak up on Nik, even when they'd been children. His brother was the most paranoid being on the planet, had honed his senses, was always wary of being attacked. That he'd not sensed Kol's gaze was more than a little odd. Kol had continued to follow his brother, right to a brick building, a few blocks north of the quarter.

Nik had gone inside, and Kol had noted a shining gold plaque next to the door, proclaiming it the office of some sort of therapist.

Nik had spent just over an hour inside, before he'd emerged, accompanied by a woman who had giggled rather loudly, audible from Kol's positon across the street, at something his brother had said, standing a little closer, than was generally considered polite (or professional).

It seemed rather contrived. Kol had lived with Nik for centuries. He wasn't  _that_  funny.

Once Nik and the woman had been out of sight, Kol had easily broken the lock on the door, and slipped inside. A quick rifle through a cabinet had unearthed a file with Nik's name on it.

Upon opening it Kol had nearly had to take a seat, so flabbergasted was he at the contents.

Nik was in  _therapy_. Had been for  _years_. There were pages upon pages of (simplistic and usually off base, in Kol's opinion) observations. And the occasional tiny heart, doodled in the margins.

It was a lot to process. And only left Kol more convinced that something was very, very wrong.

He needed a witch.

* * *

Luckily, witches weren't hard to find, in New Orleans.

But finding one willing to help a strange vampire? That was proving to be a bit of a struggle.

Kol's getting frustrated, walking down the street, shaking off the lingering effects of the aneurysm the last one had given him (weak, more of a tickle, honestly) when a voice saying his name, stops him in his tracks.

Right. He was supposed to be incognito. He'd always been bad at that, had rarely seen the point.

When Kol turns there's a man standing a few paces away, mouth open and eyes wide. It only takes Kol a second to recognize him. Hard to forget the face that caused you to spend almost two centuries in a box, despite it being more mature, then the last time you'd seen it.

The boy had grown handsome. Kol idly wonders if Marcellus had ever learned to properly appreciate Shakespeare.

"You're supposed to be dead," Marcel tells him, as if that's something Kol doesn't already know.

"Didn't stick," Kol replies shortly, speeding over. Marcel doesn't flinch, but then he'd spent more time with The Originals than most. "Got out when The Other Side collapsed. Not rightly sure how, but I figure I was probably due for a bit of luck."

"That was years ago," Marcel says slowly. "Where have you  _been_?"

"Here and there," Kol answers, not feeling like he owes Marcel any explanations. And it's not as though he's been doing anything of note, merely visiting some old haunts (funded by a quick trip back to the house in Mystic Falls – Nik really should learn to hide the safe better, and he was going to be right pissed about that Géricault Kol had liberated from one of the guest rooms, and sold for a tidy sum) and having and causing mild to moderate mayhem.

Nik deserved the aggravation, in Kol's opinion. From what he'd seen, when he'd peeked in on their lives, before his resurrection, his siblings had scarcely even missed him, had not even bothered to mourn him.

Marcel's still looking at Kol like he's seen a ghost, and really, alive for as long as he's been, shouldn't he be a little less shocked? Resurrections were practically routine, from what Kol had witnessed, these last few years.

But perhaps Marcel can be of some use.

"Where's Rebekah?" Kol asks, because he's not seen so much of a trace of her. Marcel shrugs, "I'm not sure. Somewhere in Europe, last I heard. She might have moved on. Maybe South America."

"Nik let her leave?"

"Years ago," Marcel confirms.

Incredibly hard for Kol to fathom. He'd only ever managed a couple of weeks on his own, before Nik had come after him, or sent a lackey to deliver threats, until Kol was convinced to rejoin the family. That he's allowed Rebekah, his favorite sibling, out of his reach for so long was another piece of the puzzle that didn't add up.

Kol was beginning to think he'd need reinforcements. He adds 'Find Bekah' to his mental list of tasks to complete.

"And Elijah?"

"Around."

Kol will have to pay a visit, to his eldest brother. He gets the address from Marcel, tells the other man to not breathe a word of Kol's not so deceased state, impresses himself with the creativity of his own threats.

It's been awhile since he's had the pleasure of striking fear in the heart of another vampire.

Good to know he's not lost his touch.

* * *

Two hours later Kol leaves Elijah's apartment, feeling like he's just wasted his time, not to mention the grand reveal he'd so been looking forward to. And while Kol might be immortal, such a pointless conversation grated. Elijah has always wanted Nik to be something that he wasn't, spurred by his own guilt. Elijah's has been trying, unsuccessfully, to manipulate Nik into a facsimile of who he'd been as a human, for centuries. So Kol's not surprised that Elijah's unwilling to consider that there may be something sinister behind Nik's drastic character change.

He rounds a corner, paying little attention, crashing into someone. They stumble, but stay on their feet, impressive, given the speed that Kol had been moving at.

Kol looks up, decides he might as well have a snack.

Sees Nik staring back at him.

Drat. Not a snack.

Kol grins, readies a quip, but Nik merely snarls, "Watch it," pushing past Kol, and entering Elijah's building.

Kol's left alone, on the sidewalk, staring after his brother.

His brother, who hadn't even recognized him.

Forget rotten. Something was putrid and festering and  _wrong_  with Nik.

He's tempted to leave. Why should Kol have to fix things, when Nik's inability to  _listen_  had been the entire reason Kol had ended up dead in the first place?

He should leave Nik to his fate.

But Kol knows he won't. Curses himself for it. Promises himself that he will  _never_  let Nik forget that he was the damsel in distress, that Kol had needed to play knight in shining armour. Not for another thousand years.

Kol turns, heads to the nearest bar, for that snack he'd been craving, because it was difficult, to plot successfully on an empty stomach.

Once sated, Kol compels himself a very nice car, hopes he remembers the brief lesson in driving Elijah had reluctantly administered, once Kol had been undaggered.

And if not, it's not like a crash will kill him, will it?

He manages well enough and is soon on the highway, headed north. Kol's decided to go back to Virginia, to the last place he knows Nik was himself.

Because he still needs a witch, and the least the Bennett girl could do is help him, after she's helped kill him, was it not? And Kol seems to remember that the pretty blonde Nik had drawn incessantly for months had warmed to Nik, before he'd left town. Perhaps she'll be willing to help out? She'd been the helpful type, Kol remembers. Always game for her friends' hare brained schemes.

Maybe she'd come to consider Nik a friend, or maybe Kol could appeal to her better nature. Because really, if something was powerful enough to change his brother so drastically, that something wasn't good news, and needed to be dealt with.

It's only the beginning of a plan, but it's better than nothing. Kol was new to this hero business, not sure that he was cut out for it. But  _someone_  had to do something. And, much like the Silas debacle, it looked as if Kol was the only one whose brain was currently functioning.

It was ever so tedious, always being right.


End file.
